Networking and deep relationships ask opposite questions. I first wrote about this idea as "connect-working," a phrase coined by author Anna McCoy in her 2008 book Woman, Act Now. McCoy drew the line that matters: networking is driven by the question, "What's in it for me?" — while its deeper counterpart operates by the question, "What's in it for others?" Around here, where every acorn is trying to become an oak, we say it the way a tree would: networking works a net. Roots go deep.
An ASSET, not an address book
To bring clarity to the difference between deep-rooted relationships and networking, I created a framework to illustrate how each can be used as an ASSET for building personal and professional relationships. I'm not saying one is better than the other — both have their season. But the deep-rooted kind deserves the emphasis, because it's the one almost nobody practices on purpose.
- AAuthenticity — show up as the same person in every room.
- SService — lead with what's in it for others.
- SSelf-worth — connect from abundance, not for approval.
- EExpectations — set them honestly, then give without keeping score.
- TTrust — the slow compound interest of every relationship.
Growing deep roots is a system for building authentic relationships to serve others with humility — the cultivation of weak and strong ties for human flourishing.
Depth takes time — and that's the point
Although some executives and entrepreneurs have a natural talent for building relationships, I don't think many people invest enough time in building them with sincerity. I won't claim to be an expert myself, but as I get older I've truly learned the value of relationships that have real depth — which takes time, care, and energy, like the creation of a full-bodied Cabernet Sauvignon. I've made many mistakes along the way and have lost connections with people I truly miss. But life zooms way beyond my regrets, and I hope that by sharing this framework you might get a head start on cultivating more ties for human flourishing.
One honest caveat: building sincere relationships — by net or by root — takes a considerable amount of soft skills. That's exactly what Sam Cho's Triangle is for, and the two frameworks are meant to be practiced together.
Roots that grow toward each other become a grove
Here's the part I didn't fully understand when I first wrote this: growing deep roots isn't only a one-to-one practice. When enough people choose "What's in it for others?" in the same place, the roots intertwine — and what grows is a community, not a contact list. Oaks do this literally: a grove shares its root system underground, each tree steadier because of the others.
So, what do you think of the ASSET framework? Which root do you need to send down first — and who in your life deserves more than a net?